Don't You Open That Backdoor
by Zarius
Summary: When last we left our heroes, they were about to be pummelled by some vicious villagers, can TV insider lingo prove to be their salvation? (spoilers for "From Duck To Dawn")


**DANGERMOUSE:**

 **DON'T YOU OPEN THAT BACKDOOR**

 **WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

 **Disclaimer: Dangermouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC**

* * *

When last we left Dangermouse and Penfold, they were at the mercy of angry pitchforks and manic villagers with murder on their minds.

"Come on Chief; let's get to the Danger Car before they send you over the edge again" Penfold pleaded, grabbing the chief's arm and dragging him towards the car.

"I never thought they would prove capable of that on a kids show" Dangermouse said

Penfold examined the ratings chart on the large monitor screen Duckula had set up at the top of the castle.

"Well according to the count's BARB figures, kids are interested in a little realism, a little consequence, it's a good way of informing them" Penfold replied.

"Informing them of what? That whatever I say is somehow wrong?" DM said, slightly offended.

"Well...you do tend to put your foot in it" Penfold replied.

"Nonsense, I always tread very carefully" DM insisted, "If I ever do, I always make sure to wipe my feet on the rug"

DM and Penfold made their way over to the Mark IV, DM turned on the ignition, only to find the car won't start.

"The Count draining the main reactor to power his hypnotic transmitter has in turn drained the car batteries" DM explained.

"So we're stuck to the tender mercies of these volatile villagers?" Penfold asked.

"At least for the next page or so...but you should remain calm all the same chap" DM said.

The villagers surrounded the car, advancing further and further. One of them picked Penfold up like he were a mere toothpick and shook him about.

"Oh crumbs, Chief, help" Penfold squealed.

"Hang on chum" DM said, rummaging through his white superspy suit for something to pull out and utilize to save his quivering comrade.

He produced first a pair of nose-trimmers, then a banana, then his underwear

"Oh great, I'm going commando now" he remarked at that last bit.

Penfold managed to catch a glimpse of the BARB ratings, they were spiking considerably.

"Blooming 'eck, the Chief's lack of firm comforts attracting some attention"

The villagers started rocking the car back and forth with DM still inside.

"Whee, oh this is fun Penfold, it's like being on one of those simulator rides" DM said, before slightly panicking over the fact the villagers were soon hoisting the car high above their shoulders, displaying uncanny feats of strength and hoisting the car over the edge.

"Oh no, Chief" Penfold yelled, he felt an emotional breakdown preparing to overwhelm him again. His pocket money was even coming out of his pockets and into the hands of the villager holding him up.

Now how would he afford a magazine on a Saturday afternoon?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a wooden door materialized and a loud series of knocking could be heard emanating from it.

The villager, being polite to a point, opened the door, and was met with a pulse-pounding knockout blow from DM's fist as he stepped out of the door; he then grabbed Penfold and pulled him through the door.

The pair found themselves back in their cosy Mayfair mailbox headquarters, with Squawkencluck working feverishly on restoring power to the Mark IV.

"Chief? How did we get here?"

"I figured involving a reimagining of Duckula in today's episode might have been a ploy from the CBBC studios to launch a spin-off series with him" DM explained, "They were using us as a backdoor so to speak, so I used what little power remained in the Danger Car to pinpoint a certain number of hidden backdoors worldwide, and sure enough there was one in Transylvania, I simply pinpointed it, conveniently placed somewhere under the castle, commandeered it and relocated it to your position"

"So you acted as a bit of a backdoor pilot then?" Penfold replied.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that" DM laughed.

TV puns. I get it. Hope you did, until next time volatile villagers... (clears throat to sing) _don't you open that back door..._ "

"That's TRAP door narrator" noted DM.

My mistake then.

(sigh)

Trap Door.

I actually miss that show.


End file.
